My Thursday Betrayal

     Tomorrow is Maundy Thursday. It is the day that we acknowledge that our Lord Jesus Christ instituted the Last Supper to remember His sacrifice.

     In this intimate setting with His disciples Jesus said this, "Truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me." (Matt. 26:21) I try to imagine the scene and how it would have felt to be one of the disciples as He said that! They knew that He was powerful and that He could do miracles. They knew that He was someone special and different than the rest who claimed to be the Messiah. So when He said those words, I wonder how quickly the dread of betraying their Master caused them to search inside and say, "Is it I Lord?" (Matt. 26:22)

     I don't think it's wrong to imagine myself in that group. I am sitting around the tables, reclined on the ground as the Savior speaks about His betrayal. I don't have to ask if it's me as Judas did (v25), I just know.

My Betrayal:

1.     Pursuing my own selfish ideas. Instead of focusing on what God expects of me in this life, I have focused on just how to get through it. I rush through my life with my head down and my heart guarded against any pain. I do just the bare minimum and hope it's enough. I have refused to look up and be a part of what He has planned.

2.     I have made excuses for my spiritual lethargy. It's the churches fault. It's the fault of those who have disappointed me over the years. It's the fault of those who talk about me, slander me, hate me and revile me. I have made myself a martyr and it's sinful. Lord, I ask you to forgive me please.

3.     I have wasted my time and talents on nothing of real value. Going through the motions, I've been hollow inside. Clinging to certain things that keep me bound up when You only want my freedom.

4.     I've neglected Your Word.

5.     I've brought strange fire to my worship. Insincere words sung from dirty lips. Hands held at my side because I'm too ashamed to raise them in front of others. Worried about how I might look instead of how it would please You if I were truthful and honest just one time during my worship!

     I admit my betrayal. I repent from it and I will walk away from it. I know that forgiveness is mine but I will never take it lightly again.